I am not sure about you, but I have found the weight of this stay at home order to really be impacting me and my family this week. I think the reality that we have, at minimum, another full month really started to sink in. My kids are grumpy, and they aren’t being kind, and I am yelling. I could post the photos of us playing Spike Ball or having family afternoon picnics in the sun, and they wouldn’t be lies, but they wouldn’t tell the whole story.
Last night my senior in high school had a meltdown. As she realized the reality of graduation not happening and now the rumblings that schools may not start up in the Fall at all, she freaked out. She took her fears about the unknown and literally told us that her next 5 years were ruined. She went from 2020, and decided anything she thought about college life was forever gone, and she was sad. Really, really sad. As parents, I think we want to try to add perspective and insight and highlight the silver linings. However, what I realized last night was my daughter needed to just wallow in the feelings. Feelings, even the bad ones, are Ok. To a teenager, mom and dad offering perspective feels like we are not relating.
This perspective reminded me how I try to be as a designer. It is easy for me to sit with you when something on your project isn’t going as planned. I KNOW that things will go wrong. No one wants to hear that, but it is part of being in this business. One of the reasons I think I am a good partner to so many of you is that I can handle when people get upset or angry or frustrated. We all have a vision of what we want when we hire a designer, and when the PROCESS of getting to the end isn’t perfect, it is normal to show emotions. I always try to remind people that no matter how bad a situation feels, I have never once had someone tell me at the end of the project, that it wasn’t worth it. There can be delays, cost overruns, bad sub-contractors, wrong orders, etc. and each and every scenario can leave people feeling like the whole project may collapse or be a waste of time or money. I have learned that these emotions and reactions are just part of the process, and if I focus on the end game, I always seem to find success.
Shot from a time we lived through a complete remodel. This was our makeshift nursery for two kids.
So, this week, my design mind helped me remember that right now, my daughter can’t see the end game, and all she can focus on is what isn’t going right. Just like when a tub arrives with the wrong color drain and the correct one is 6 weeks away or a tile order arrives broken and incomplete, we can lose sight of the end game. As a designer, I can understand the emotions, and I know that I can work through any problem.
Perhaps the reason emotions are hard right now is that we don’t really know the end game. I believe we will come out the other side, and we will have many silver linings. Just like when we are building houses or designing spaces, we don’t sit in our NEW space thinking about the issues it took us to get there. The problems are forgotten while the outcome is what is appreciated.
I hope that when this pandemic is over, we will remember the silver linings that came about while forgetting about the challenges along the way. I believe my kids will talk about the Spike Ball and the picnic lunches with fondness, and in time, will forget the sadness and disappointment that is lingering around the edges.
This was our first meal in our new kitchen. It was worth the wait, and we never looked back!
So, for this coming week, I plan to focus on the small moments, allow the big emotions to be honored, and know that one day the small moments, will in fact be the big moments.
Stay safe. Stay home. Stay healthy.
Love,
Rebecca